On The Planet Of Zombie Vampires by Harry Harrison

Author:Harry Harrison [Harrison, Harry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: new
Published: 2011-01-15T04:00:05.312000+00:00

Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Zombie Vampires

"How interesting," said Caine. "I really should be taking notes. This could be of considerable interest to the scientific community."

"Garp!" garped Bruiser, flopping back in his chair. "Ick! Urp!"

"We've got to do something," said Rambette. "Bill, you can't sit there and let him die!"

"I'm thinking it over," said Bill. "He wants to chop off my legs, you know."

"Nobody's perfect," said Rambette, pounding Bruiser on the back. "Give me a hand."

"I think you're supposed to grab him around the waist and give a hard jerk," said Bill, getting up.

"So do it!" shrieked Rambette. "We don't have much time!"

"I can't get my arms around him," said Bill. "He's too fat."

Rambette and Bill joined hands, and after arguing about the possible location of Bruiser's diaphragm, gave a solid jerk. Bruiser grunted loudly and the table was suddenly splattered heavily.

"Yeow!" screamed Tootsie. "We're as good as dead!"

"It's a ghastly mess," cried Uhuru, sneaking toward the door. "I knew I shouldn't have let you back on the ship. Anybody see the aliens?"

"There's nothing here but partially digested food," said Caine, poking around with androidal scientific curiosity. "He was simply choking. That's most disappointing. I was hoping for an alien."

"I told him to chew his food better," said Rambette. "But would he listen? No."

"Anyone for seconds?" asked Captain Blight, wheeling in a cart overloaded with food. He screamed when they all started to punch him. "What are you doing? What's happening? And if you have complaints — so do I. I was stirring up another batch of blintzes and — hey! — somebody get that mouse scuttling across the floor. We can't have any rodents in the dining area."

Bill stomped down hard with his elephant foot. What crunched underneath didn't feel much like a mouse.

He lifted his foot slowly and looked at what was stuck to the sole with horror.

"Did you get it?" asked Blight.

"I certainly did," said Bill. "But I don't think it was a mouse. Come look."

"Fascinating," said Caine, as everybody gathered around to examine Bill's foot.

"Is that one of the aliens?" moaned Tootsie.

"It was one," Caine said. "Bill has, unfortunately, squashed it beyond recognition. I would have liked to examine it."

"Where's it come from?" asked Tootsie. "Did it come busting out of Bruiser?"

"No," said Blight. "It came busting out of the kitchen. I saw it scuttle out from behind a sack of flour."

"Are those teeth?" asked Rambette. "Those white things stuck in the middle of all that gore?"

"They look like teeth to me," Christianson said. "Pretty sharp ones, too."

"Sure are a lot of them," said Rambette. "A whole lot of them."

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